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tell me baby, what's your story? [Mar. 8th, 2007|01:17 pm]
[Current Location |Nixon 301]
[Current Mood |contentcontent]

life is okay. okay is good enough for me.
this week is going by surprisingly quick.
only 8 more days until i go home for spring break, woo!
i just can't wait to be home and with people from home.
i really miss my friends sometimes, and my mom.

i have been trying to brainstorm fun things to do with the girls i babysit.
so far i have:
- seabreeze
- beaver lake
- the park
- the movies
- the zoo
- my pool
if any of you have any other ideas, i'd love to hear them.
i would just like to keep them from getting bored, because once they are bored, they tend to fight.

i can not wait for summer to be here.
the sun, money, friends, beer, weed, the beach.
i know i will miss the college life, but i am ready to just be back in liverpool.
doing my thing.
i don't necessarily miss it, but summer is always a damn good time.

in other news this weekend is our last one here before spring break.
so of course it will be insane.
i'm excited to go out and get sloppy and play beer pong, maybe go dancing.
i do enjoy weekends in freddy.
some EA kids are coming up this weekend, so it should be a good time.

you know sometimes i really get down on myself about my boy situation.
how i can't seem to snag a decent guy.
then i realize i have a lot of opportunities, i just don't take them.
and as my good friend miss sara lis said the other day, drunken parties are not the most prime place to meet the man of your dreams. good point sara. haha.
i think i'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride, like i usually do.
it will happen when it does.

only one class of the day left, and it's english, my favorite.
computer science is cancelled, and i could not be happier
not too shabby at all.
i think i'll call my mom later and do some more reading.
what a lovely life i lead.
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(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2007|12:36 pm]
[Current Location |Nixon 301]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |Stevie Baby!]

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now. × I don't watch much TV these days.  (cops baby, cops.) I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (20/20) I love to play video games. I've tried marijuana.  (hahaha tried...)
× I've watched porn movies. × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (haaa single is the way to go) I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
× I curse sometimes.  (ALL the time.) I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
it goes on...Collapse )
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(no subject) [Feb. 13th, 2007|09:47 pm]
when did time start flying so fast?
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mid-life crisis at 18? [Feb. 4th, 2007|04:15 pm]
[Current Location |Nixon 301]
[Current Mood |crazycrazy]

go to college
get a job
get engaged
get married
buy a house
start a family
grow old

i don't want this.
no more, no more.
i don't want to live an ordinary life.
i don't want to be like every other person in existence.

i want to see and do big things.
who doesn't, right?
the difference is making it happen.
can i make it happen?
i think i can.

when i decided to be a teacher it was because i wanted to change people's lives.
i want to work in the city and make kids believe their dreams can become reality.
i want to work in a different country and learn from my students.
i want to see the world and break the bubble.
what is the point of living on such a diverse planet if you never experience the diversity?

my goal is to make it happen.
scratch that, it's not a goal, it's a necessity.

who better to see it with than my best friend?
you drive me nuts sometimes, but my life without you would not be life.
so i hope that you will come with me and see it all.

"you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one"- john lennon
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2007|09:32 pm]
[Current Location |nixon 301]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[Current Music |jack johnson]

what's the point if being angry at something that isn't going to change? i'm not really sure, but we all do it. we go through life getting upset over small and stupid things instead of concentrating on the bright and beautiful parts of our lives. i think from now on i'm going to try to see things from the glass half full point of view. i don't want to be an angry and bitter person anymore.

being back at school is nice. i feel like i live two different lives after coming back from christmas break. i have two homes, two groups of friends, two ways of life. it's really weird to bounce back and forth from one to another. i really enjoyed hanging out with leens this break. i can honestly say that i feel like eileen will never abandon me in my time of need, or leave me out in the cold. of course with any break there were people i wish i saw more of, especially the boys. of course hanging out with my lovey lauran was wonderous too. the dinner/dance party was wonderful, and i hope we make it an annual tradition, even if the boys despise wearing anything but t-shirts. everyone looked really nice.

my classes this semester are actually really good, i guess i made some good choices. the only one i can complain about is my 8 am developmental psych class. the teacher is like a robot, with the most annoying voice of all time, i can barely stand to sit there for 50 minutes. thank god i don't have an hour and 20 minute class with him. i love my english teacher though, she is probably my favorite of the bunch. our first assignment was a description paper and we had to think of a childhood memory and write it on that. i really like american politics as well, my teacher and i seem to have many of the same political views. also he figure skates! haha, we had a nice chat about that the first day of class.

so life is pretty good here at fred. lot's of hanging out, doing crazy workout videos, braving blizzards, and partying hard on the weekends. my life is pretty much grand.
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(no subject) [Jan. 13th, 2007|05:16 pm]
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]

last week at home
it's been nice seeing everyone
i am ready to go back though
i need to get on a normal schedule again

yesterday was a disappointment
it was terrible to see lauran hurting so much
and i'm afraid i will never be able to forgive ryan for what he's done
maybe once he gets his brain back into the right state
time will tell, it always does

i have been in strange moods lately
i attribute most of my issues to my strange sleeping patterns
but i think it has more to do with me and my dad not speaking
it's funny because most of the time i don't even care
it never really even bothers me or enters my mind
but then there are times when i sit around crying about it

alicia, eileen, and i were talking about our weddings one day
and they were saying how excited they were for their dad's to walk them down the aisle
and how hard it was going to be for them to let them go
i am so afraid that i won't be talking to my dad when that time comes
and then what will i do?
walk down the aisle with someone i don't like, and someone that doesn't like me?
i thought about asking matt to do it, but that will only make matters worse for me and my dad
i wish i would just wake up tomorrow and everything would be okay
i don't even know what i would say to him to make things alright
i can't even remember what started this silence
it's been going on for three months now
sometimes i think it doesn't even phase him at all
he has katie to replace me, and she is such a daddy's girl
something i stopped being when i was a little girl
i feel like she is all he needs in the world
i am glad she has this relationship with him, i would not wish what we have on her
oh well, i always say things have a way of working themselves out for the best

tonight i think i'm getting coffee with eileen and margot
that will be nice
i hope lauran can join us too
i don't know what i will do next week without lauran around

i guess that's all for now, sorry for the depressing moments in my life.
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2007|01:06 am]
[Current Mood |inspired]

Freedom Writers
not just a movie, a story
not just a story, an inspiration
eye opening
heart warming

watching what those people went through everyday amazes me
it makes me realize what a bubble liverpool really is
there is no real gang violence
i don't know anyone that's been shot to death

Erin Gruwell has opened my eyes to what a teacher should be
a teacher should touch each of her students lives, actually make a difference
i teacher should reach outside of the curriculum and think out of the box
a teacher should want to know what's happening in her students lives
a teacher should make her class a family

i can not wait to be in a classroom now
i think i might go to the city and teach there first
they have programs where they pay for your masters, or pay back what you've spent on school
i realize that i will be totally out of my element, but that's what i love about the idea
why stay in the same spot all of your life?
there is so much else out there to see and do
i want to see and do as much as i can in my life time
i want to touch lives and make a difference
i think i can do it
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blah blah blah [Jan. 2nd, 2007|07:48 pm]
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]

i hate feeling like i give 110% and you give 48%
it just isn't fair
i'm no longer going to make all the efforts
where does it get me? nowhere, that's where
i care, and i always will
honestly, i just don't like investing in things when i see no results
when you say you are going to do something, do it
it's all very plain and simple

in other news, i'm bored, severely bored
i have 20 more days here and i have nothing to do with myself
today i cleaned my car
tomorrow i'll clean my room and go to the bank
the day after that i'll do my laundry
i feel like i've fallen into stepford
my mom wants me to help around the house since i have no job
which is fine, but i will go insane in this house if i dont get out every once in awhile
i hate having to call around and make plans
there is really never anything to do here during the week
and i am personally sick of just sitting around watching movies
i wish someone would just call and have a fabulous evening planned out for us, and off we would go

i hate who i am at home
i don't like to be complaining like this
i don't like to be bored
i don't like to be cynical

despite my bad attitude, i did have a very good weekend
the dinner party and anthony's was quite fun
and new years was good too
it's nice to just be in good company doing fun things
new years was quite fun, just the 4 of us
i liked the more intimate group of friends, rather than the big party
it was very relaxing and enjoyable
although, i wish the boys would have stopped over
you can't have everything now can you?

i think instead of just sitting in my house i'm going to come up with things to do
i should really just go running or ride my bike
yes, i think i'll do that

this entry is rather bipolar, and i'm sorry for that
the end.

edit: i haven't worn a bra all day and i feel great about that
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random thoughts [Dec. 27th, 2006|01:28 am]
[Current Mood |pensivepensive]

i just filled out a stupid quiz about 2006 and deleted it
it was a good year, i learned, i got lost along the way, but i always got back on track somehow
i mad good decisions, and horrible ones, but everything happens for a reason, right?

that seems to be the topic of discussion lately
"she is so different" "oh my god, look how much he's changed"
we have all changed, and that is the truth
i know i have
good or bad? is the real question
i feel like it's impossible not to come back different
we're all in different surroundings, with different people, we're bound to change somehow
at first it was shocking to me
now i have accepted it
no one has really changed negatively in my eyes
i wonder what we'll all be like by the end of college
gradually we've developed into who we are now, and the process is never ending
i just can't wait to see who we are once these four or five years are over
where we all end up
who we still talk to
i'd like to say that all of my friends now will be my friends forever
but is that realistic? no.
some of us have made it through thirteen years, and no one expected that
so what's four or five more?
i guess it's the distance that could drag us apart
only if we let it though, that's my opinion
i'm just interested to see who will be at my wedding, if i do get married that is

the other night i was upset and feeling shitty so i said i wanted to be back at school
the truth is, i kind of do
it's weird because i love everyone here, i really do, but something is off
and i miss fredonia
you know, i call it home a lot of the time
it feels like home
sometimes this place just feels like somewhere i live when necessary
that line from gardenstate just plays over and over in my head...
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
yeah, that is what i feel like sometimes

i have a certain urge to call gabe, i'm not sure why
it's late, and he's in ohio, so i won't
i miss talking to him on the phone for hours

i just saw this movie
i can't think of the name of it now
it's about this 37 year old woman who dates her therapist's son who is 23
it was quite good, had uma thurman in it and some lovely guy
i really want to be in love someday
i hope that someday is soon
half the reason i don't date is me
i can't seem to just put myself out there, take the plunge
i think i'm going to have to start, or else i'll be a cat lady for sure

i guess that's it for now
peace and love
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(no subject) [Dec. 17th, 2006|08:35 pm]
So the past week has been "dead week". Preparing for finals and all that jazz. I've been trying to be a better student, honestly I have, but I still struggle to actually do something constructive with my time. Today i read about 50 pages for sociology, and I feel like I have retained absolutely no information. Sociology just is not the right subject for me I suppose, I hate how everything drags on, and I disagree with a lot of their ideals. Oh well, I'll be done with the class for good come Thursday. Everyone in the world seems to be at home already, and it's making me slightly depressed. I was just looking at some pictures that people have already put up from the first few nights home, and I just want to be there. I really miss Anthony, I haven't seen him in more than three months! Of course I miss everyone else too. I just need to get through these finals and I will be home free, hizzah.

This weekend was a good time. It was Floss' last weekend so we had to make it a good one. On Friday none of us had any classes so Sarah, Floss, and I decided to take a little road trip to good ol' EA. We went to Mighty and then to the mall and bought some stuff to prepare for our sweet holidy party, or mad hol par as Raisa likes to call it haha. Then we went to Sarah's house and had a fabulous home cooked meal, and Josh ate with us too. We came back to Fred after and got ready for the party. The party was a good time, there were a million kids there from East Aurora. A little bit of drama ensued with Sarah, but oh well, it was taken care of. All in all it was a good time. I walked home with Katelyn and we had a nice chat. I think I'm going to miss partying at Raisa's over break. On Saturday Sarah called me and told me Annalise was moving out, so I could move in! So i packed everything up and Floss, Sarah, and I moved everything. It was pretty insane, carrying it all down three flights of stairs and then up another three flights. It's so nice to finally be moved in and just hang. Today I've been studying and sitting around.

I just can not wait to be home and not have to worry about anything school related.
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